When Karma is Too Kind

"'Tis distance lends enchantment to the view,
And robes the mountain in its azure hue."

It frustrates the hell out of me when someone reaps what they sow and reap a bad crop...but not as bad as what they have sown. (Stay with me; I'm going somewhere with this.) I know it makes me seem cruel and unusual, but so is destroying someone's life and barely losing sleep at night.

I try to remember to be human when I find out that people who have damn-near destroyed my insides aren't doing as well as they thought they would be without me. I've always been encouraged to be the bigger person, so the mommy inside is always there to chastise my arrogance. Lately, however, there's been an inner a-hole, raging and protesting against my humanity, shouting, "That's it? After all the pain you've caused me and all the crap you said to me, that's it? I must be missing something."

In one sense, I understand the "fairness" behind it all. Hell, if most of us received exactly what we gave others, or were made to feel the way we made others feel (even unintentionally), none of us would be living a great life. We've all destroyed some one's faith in one thing or another with our willful selfishness and self-centered ways. That still doesn't mean that some people's Karma isn't just a little too kind. Well...at least from the outside.

For example, even if the last man I dealt with has a crappy marriage, he's still married with a pregnant wife. A baby is too kind for that situation. Something to hide behind. A cute little piece of the both of them by which to be distracted. Nowhere near as painful as the last two years of my life...perhaps Karma confused itself with Kismet. Perhaps he wasn't judged to be strong enough to handle septic situation I had to endure in order to grow. I don't see that as a compliment to me, however. His cowardice should not determine his consequences, especially when he didn't consider any. I must be honest; I'm still quite pissed.

And then I found the Thomas Campbell quote above. It's one thing to view a situation from afar. The view is always better (and I mean that more than in the "greener grass" sense). When one is looking for something that someone else has found virtually effortlessly, the view from afar is a work of art. A mountain veiled in an azure hue. It's only when you get close that you notice the sharp rocks and the steep climb to the top. But that's if you can get close. I never have and never will...which sucks because I don't know if I will ever truly feel vindicated.

I realize I'm not really a victim, however. I've been hurt a lot in my life, but I've always tried to offer support to others to soften the blows life deals them. This doesn't necessarily make me a great person, but I'm reaping some good now in the form of a good friend who shatters my delusions and helps me understand that most things I see and feel are temporal. They are transient and must be so to promote the force and "fairness" of Karma. In other words, "Stay tuned...there's still more to see before the sick season finale of their awful reality show." And though it shouldn't that's the only thought that gives me some comfort.

Besides, if we really want to dive deeper into this cosmic "what-I-deserve-vs.-what-I-actually-get" fest, perhaps my having to witness it all is due to some Karma I'm owed...it's the humble thought that keeps me sane. And by sane I mean NOT taking my 15-pound bowling ball and bashing in his skull...;-)

~~~ Thanks, M.D.D.C.~~~