Vanity...Named "Copperhead"

This was me...the schoolteacher...   

and my hair        up close and personal.

Nice...but the way I've looked for a while.

This is the new me...

...the "Copperhead."

She's sassy......not sure if anyone is ready...

"Grateful for..." Saturday, June 18, 2011 (This is a little late... : - 0 )

FISH TACOS AND FRIENDSHIPS...

We sat in my living room yesterday watching Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives and decided we would have fish tacos (homemade) for dinner tonight. I'm sitting on Bo's couch right now (the following day) waiting for them to finish cooking. And I'm having the best time I've had in a while. I'm grateful...and HUNGRY! :-)

When I Reminisce Over You...

Memory is the best backstabber known to humanity. Makes you think fondly of a person you shouldn't have met. Forget he hated you, or she always thought she could do better. Forget you never tried to work at it. Make you "remember" that you "gave your all" and it wasn't right because "y'all" just couldn't get along."

It's the ultimate penis-pleaser. Slaps you softly until you see things its way. Romance your stubborn insecurities. Slide its hand in your pants...caresses your soft parts. Calls you master...king...diva...make you love yourself too much. Gives you the part of the hero or martyr...instead of the villain. Lies to you so damn well...

...calls you the nice guy even though you know you're a bastard. Calls you "Sweetie" when you know you're a bitch. Your best friend. Your best enemy. Your interpretation of how things should have gone. Your cowardly perception. Your secret wishes. Your apologies, without acceptance.

Memory (or lack thereof) helps you sleep at night forgetting the love...loving to forget the object...

"Grateful for..." Thursday, June 9, 2011

Only one thing today...DETERMINATION to move forward. I have had the urge to cry all day while thinking about how I have allowed someone to have his way with me for so long...he cares nothing for the person I am...and I cared way too much for him...and, as a result, he's just fine...and though I'm not fine, I didn't and won't cry today...

Baby steps...

"Grateful for..." Wednesday, June 8, 2011

1. Janae Jones, who stopped me from jumping over "the cliff"...
2. A great bowling night last night
3. My mother's face
4. Thoughts
5. Laura Scott, who smiles through it all

Toast to The Grown Ass Man

Yesterday was your 30th birthday. I remembered, as usual, which made me mad at me. Why can't I just forget about you? You, who were never honest. Who never cared about who I was. Who snuck inside my heart, stretched your limbs and split the still-fresh stitches. You knew what you were doing...and had no problems moving on...

Well...honestly, I really don't hope you had a happy birthday, even though I know you did. With your wife and new family bending over backward to make everything great for you. It's things like this, and people like you, that make me wonder if God was really paying attention when the gifts were assigned, and you ended up with the convenient little package with beautiful bows and lace. It's also because of you that I understand why Karma, as a priniple, is so messed up (for lack of better words).

Karma was supposed to be the ultimate deterent for wrongdoing. A gas chamber for the soul. Just the thought of something done to another returning at a later time was supposed to make every interaction fair, honest, and good because everyone is supposed to want that in return. But nothing ever works they way it was designed. All it took was for one person to have no fear of punishment before the entire principle developed one big gaping hole...of ...well...unfairness.

The flaw in the design of Karma or Reaping and Sowing or The Golden Rule or whatever people like to call the exact same principle is there is no provision for how the action will return. Is it direct or indirect? Quick or delayed? An act comparable to what one has done or the exact same thing? Or is the return simply in believing that there should be one. And which acts yield a positive return on investment? What is being "good" to another anyway? One person's "nevermind" is another person's disrespect.

Well...whatever the answer...after the first brave soul decided that he or she didn't give a damn about the future and decided to live "in the now," Karma was unleashed in a huge, uncontrollable wave...targeted at one person but affecting every person. The first douchebag's Karma may have been direct, but not as bad as expected, so he or she could have kept right on going...and the second set affected his or her seed. And of course the children had no idea they were paying for a parent's mistake. Some could have grown angry and passed along the bitternes...and so on..and so forth.

Bottomline...bad stuff happens whether we "deserve it" or not. And perhaps that is the allure of evil or sin or wrongdoing... bad stuff was supposed to and will happen anyway, so...why bother being fair? And that's where you came into my life...the thunderstorm that rained on me, perhaps because of something my father did to some woman. Or the curse that one of my late grandfather's baby's mamas unleashed when he left her high and dry. You were the proof that the very thing you don't need is dressed up like the very thing you want. You made me a Karma-carrier.

So...now that you're a grown ass man, I hope you're prepared to watch all you have unleashed returned through your own personal Karma-carrier...consider it a gift from me...