Sign o' the Times...

So...is this what it's come to? This is an actual sign on a gas pump in Southeast DC. Once again, the oil companies passed on a great opportunity to employ the art of sarcasm while driving home the importance of punctuation. My revisions follow...

• Gasoline is harmful or fatal if swallowed? Since when?
• Long-term exposure to vapors has caused cancer in laboratory animals, but what the hell does that have to do with you?
• Avoid prolonged breathing of vapors; we've already been warned by Biz Markie.
• Keep face away from nozzle and gas tank, for there are easier ways to measure how much gas is in your tank. The gas gauge, for example, is an excellent indicator.
• Keep away from eyes and skin; safe for hair.
• Never siphon by mouth; choose a better method.
• For use as motor fuel only. The term, "fuel your excitement" is a complex metaphor. Lucky you! Your excitement doesn't really require gas. You'd be perpetually depressed at these prices if it were.  

As always, thanks for your time and attention. 

30 for 31

I just turned 31-years old...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! Because my birthday is so close to New Year's Day, I choose reflection over resolutions. Here are my 30 lessons for 31. I resolve to revisit them daily, if necessary, to continue my life in a positive direction.





Having dinner like a rock star
on my birthday...


1. 30 is not the new 20...I was a different dumb at 20 than I am now.
2. Grown is sexy.
3. One's level of expectation must match one's level of patience.
4. Great things come in extremely unappealing packages; sometimes you just have to hold your nose and take a look...
5. What's yours is always yours, always has been, and always will be. Nothing can change that.
6. What's not yours may have looked like yours, but ultimately, was never yours and can never be. Nothing can change that...
7. When a woman understands her position in life, desperation is not an option.
8. The minute you feel like you should let go, do so...immediately.
9. Making friends is so much more satisfying when one has a firm grasp of who one is.
10. Speak your desires...loudly.
11. God...is...listening...with Godlike ears...which means there's always a catch to the answer.
12. True love is attainable.
13. There are no "levels," only lessons. Life is not Super Mario Brothers.
14. What one "deserves" is no one else's call. Everyone always gets what he/she needs to move to the next lesson.
15. Everything I once thought about success is and always was bull. I have to do what is for me.
16. Parents are people first, which means they are prone to the same pitfalls as anyone else.
17. The things questioned and criticized in everyone else are the issues with which we are ultimately confronted in ourselves.
18. Therefore, drama comes from within.
19. No one requires a pedestal. They are overrated and dangerous.
20. Identify dead issues.
21. Embrace newness.
22. Know when to make plans; know when to throw them away.
23. Live YOUR life...
24. Talk everything out.
25. Write daily.
26. Speak your mind to those with minds. Anything else is an excercise in futility.
27. Seek adventures.
28. See more movies.
29. Read more books.
30. Have meaningful conversations; have senseless ones too.

Thirty-one is looking very promising...