The Beginning of Something…?

The Eulogy - August 10, 2001

"Hey, you gotta minute?"

"Me?"

"Yeah…do…you… have a minute?" she asked in a smartass tone so familiar I thought I actually knew her. It was 2001. I was 22; she, a couple of years younger and (obviously) nuts.

"Nah. Don't think I gotta minute." I wanted to get away from her a.s.a.p.

"Oh, okay. It's just that…I'm writing my father's eulogy…and…I could use an indiscriminate ear. You know…all my friends would just tell me what they thought I wanted to hear…"

"You're writing your father's eulogy at Borders?" That's where we were.

"They got good chai tea here." And then a hint of a smile, but her eyes were dead serious.

"O-kay. I guess I do gotta minute then." I really didn't have anything important to do. I was actually on my way to meet a girl I had met at that same Borders the week before. I wouldn't have called that something to do, though. I was always meeting girls back then.

"Thanks. Give me your honest opinion."

"Most definitely," I said as I took a seat in the leather chair beside her.

"Okay…" She began, "Losing a loved one is never easy, especially when that loved one is your parent. That's why I'm here to pay my respect to Mr. James Sterling, Jr. because he was neither loved by me nor a parent to me, so he is making this process a breeze. True, he did contribute sperm, which, in turn, offered me 23 chromosomes towards life. But our bond ends there. James Sterling, Jr., commonly known on the streets by the 'unique' moniker, 'J.R.,' did nothing in life that he didn't want to and everything that he 'felt like' doing. Living this way takes balls. It's an all-or-nothing sort of life, and that's just what he had. Ironically, this is what I admire about him the most. He didn't believe in gray areas. He was black and white. He threw his life into the drug game (ALL). He didn't give a damn about being a father (NOTHING). He loved having a lot of girls, so he did (ALL). My mother wasn't a girl. She was a woman, so he gave her… (PAUSE IN TEACHER FASHION AND WAIT TO SEE IF THE AUDIENCE WILL FILL IN THE BLANKS, AND WHETHER THEY DO OR THEY DON'T SAY…) NOTHING!

[By the way, she actually read that whole part about pausing to me. I told you she was nuts.]

He was a person determined to be absolutely selfish, self-serving, and a legend in his own mind. He taught me what not to look for in a partner and how not to be treated by anyone. And he also gave me the gift of saying that I was his greatest accomplishment.
To the other kids J.R. may have floating around the District, some who may surface at this funeral today, I offer this comfort: If you did not know him, don't be sad. He didn't really know himself, so he had nothing to offer you but shitty street clichés and shameless excuses. You didn't miss anything, so you don't have the daunting task of trying to forget that train wreck. Make new paths for yourselves; he left no footsteps worth following. If anyone is mad at anything I've said it's because he fooled you into believing he was better than he was. But remember, he's dead because he didn't even believe that himself."

I was speechless. Was she serious? Didn't know, so I asked.

"Dead ass…"was her response. She was direct. Aggressive. Attractive because she was different.

"When did he die?"

She smiled. "What's your name?"

"I'm afraid to tell you…honestly."

"It's okay. You're probably not interesting or important enough for me to remember…'honestly' back at ya."Still smiling. "But my father ain't dead yet, obnoxious stranger. Thanks for listening."

And she got up and walked away. Like it was nothing. I watched her behind sway from left to right. Not bad.

Gone from my life as quickly and awkwardly as she came in. But she left something behind that made me begin to understand that everything really does happen for a reason. Back then, though, I didn't have a clue why…

I think this is going somewhere...stay tuned...if anyone is even tuned in the first place...