Let It Fly...

I AM NOT PERFECT. And I'm okay with that. I welcome growth. I mean just the other night, before I drifted off to sleep, I actually had a vocal dialogue with God thanking God for me not being 24 years-old anymore. I "get it" now. I used to be quite a mess then. I knew it...in a way. I knew I was not perfect, but I thought I was getting closer as I got older. Now I understand that growth actually happens the other way. One has to know that the more growth occurs, the more new imperfections reveal themselves. I take joy in knowing that I can toss aside the old ones, however. So here is me doing just that with one of my bad habits in particular - believing great things about males (some of them men and some of them boys trying to play a role; some of them platonic and some of them romantic) that they don't even have the decency to believe about themselves...and holding my tongue about the things they do to me just to keep their fragile egos together. Enter my new "mistake" of not giving a damn about anyone's feelings and letting my words land where they may.

Note: More than one comment can apply to the same "N" word, but remember that I am randomly spitting fire at a few of them.

(*clears throat*)

• You don't get permission to treat people like crap because your mother died. If she could see you now, she would be really ashamed. And by the way, you're not a king. I believe they call that an illusion of grandeur. You should look it up. In fact, you should generally read more . Although books would distract you from your routine of keeping Conjure cognac in business, it might put something on your mind besides...you.

• Nobody really believes you're happy. Not even you. So am I supposed to be jealous because "God gave [you your] wife"? Don't get biblical with me. God gave a lot of other plagues in his documented  time of directly interacting with the human race. Locusts...a river of blood...and your wife? Brilliant!

• And you, "my first love"...stop asking me why I'm not married every time you see me (which isn't often). I'm not married because you were afraid of me when you were with me. And you are married because your wife is an idiot who provides all the empty worship you require. You keep asking me why I'm not married because you want me to show you some sign of regret. Well here it is...I regret ever being your girlfriend. Keep it moving...

• And to you...always fighting the war against yourself because you know you shouldn't be with her...YOU SHOULDN'T BE WITH HER. Child support is less expensive than your self-respect.

• Perhaps the two of you should see a counselor. I won't be your personal one, however.

• Nobody believes you're happy, either.

• You talk about it, think about it, and maybe even dream about it. But when I bring it up it's wrong? Really? Whatever it takes to make you feel like you can be there for the rest of your life is great (sarcastically). Just leave me out of it...please...

• Babies don't fix things, you know. Well...maybe at first. But in the end. You're still you. She's still her.

• Well, if all you wanted was a bitch, why didn't you say so?

• You're an alcoholic...with a small member....I'm sorry.

• I don't miss either of you anymore...finally.

• Does she know you asked me to marry you first...and I wasn't even pregnant?

• I thank God for every menstrual cramp because it reminds me that I don't have any of your children.

• I know you'll never read this...because you can't read.

• Yes, I do know I can be a bitch. Do you know you're one all the time? I guess that was the attraction.

WOW! It felt great to finally get those things off my chest. Thanks for the material, fellas. I know that I'm just one of those women who has to go at it alone, but at least I'm honest about my station in life. And I understand you being honest about yours would force you to be honest about too much other stuff that you would rather not discuss. Keep the lies alive! They're better than your realities...I imagine.