The Paper Plea

I don't have to tell you this sign is in the women's bathroom; I've heard men don't use toilet paper...unless in dire situations (I'm sure you can figure out what I mean). In any case, this is a weird sign for ANY bathroom. What other paper would anyone put in the toilet? Okay...I'll allow the occasional paper towel. Some people, for whatever reason or another, might flush a paper towel, but other than that...? And if paper towels are the problem, why not just say, "NO PAPER TOWELS IN TOILET!"?

Signs like this are meant to combat a habit or practice identified as a problem. "NO LOITERING" signs, for example, are usually posted in places where folks linger about and make property owners uncomfortable. So...what kind of paper is a problem in this particular restroom? Post-its? Loose leaf? Graph paper? If anyone decides to post a sign like this, I think it should be much more honest, catchy, and unforgettable...like...

"TOILET PAPER OR DIE!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS, BROAD? DON'T FLUSH THAT!"

"WOULD YOU PUT THAT ON YOUR HOME TOILET? OKAY THEN..."

"IF YOU ATE PAPER, WOULDN'T IT BIND YOU UP? THEN THINK OF MY FEELINGS!"

Poor toilets. Sat upon. Used. Taking everyone's...crap. Flushed and often abandoned. When will someone stand up for you? I'm just saying... 

The Powder Room (2011)

What the hell was going through the mind of whomever decided to order this sign? Seems like a clear case of information overkill, plus political correctness, multiplied by poor connotation. The end result - a sign of sensory overload. My issues with this:

• Since when has a bathroom needed a room number? I've never heard anyone respond to the question, "Where's the ladies' room?" with, "Oh...room 278." Usually I hear something like, "Last room on the right," or "Down the hall, look to the left, and you'll see THE SIGN." And that sign usually has a stick figure with or without a dress and/or some gender-specific word to tell whether to expect urinals or not.

• "Women's Toilet"? Really? Not "restroom" or "bathroom"? I don't think I've ever heard someone ask for directions to the "toilet." The connotation sucks; it gives me the uncomfortable image of one toilet for everyone to use and no sink or mirror, which is gross.

• The wheelchair is very close to plowing down the woman in the sign. While it makes me laugh, it also makes me feel like an insensitive jerk for doing so. I'm not laughing at the wheelchair; I'm laughing that the stick figure is about to be kneecapped. Does it really have to look like that? Besides, aren't all restrooms handicap accessible? Because it's, you know, "the law," why the need for the ostentatious sign?

I bet no one even thought about this as they rushed to relieve themselves. Guess that's why the world needs me.  : - )

Lessons My Mother Taught Me - Mother's Day 2011



Mommy then...before motherhood.



1. I don't need make-up to be beautiful.
2. Pretty girls don't have to tell everyone they're pretty; it's evident in everything they do.
3. It's not what you say; it's how you say it.
4. It's okay to say, "I deserve better."
5. I wasn't an accident, even if I was totally unexpected.
6. Life really does go on.
7. "Generational curses" don't have to be.
8. You cannot save everyone.
9. The best mothers don't want to be your friends until you're old enough to understand what that means.
10. God can take us places we never expected.

The first 30 years have been great, Mom. Can't wait to see what the next 30 will bring to us. Happy Mother's Day!



Mommy now...with her big baby.



Worth Your Time (A Toast to My Favorite DMV Artist)

It's funny how I've come to need him EVERYDAY. And I'm not embarassed about it at all.

Phil Ade - Don't sleep on his skills...
(picture from adventoutpost.com)

He rides shotgun with me to work every morning and controls my road rage. Now I shake my head when those VA tags cut me off. "Life is too short, we ain't got time to waste..." he says. His perfect timing amazes me. By the time I reach King Street, I feel ready for anything. I take the key out the ignition and say, "Yes, Phil..." because we're in agreement.

I love him so much I share him. When someone is in the car with us, I never tell the unsuspecting passenger that he/she is about to love him too. Instead, I wait until the conversation is heading for a dry area, and I introduce him into the background. I let him speak for himself. He's thorough enough to do that. By the time that ride is over, I've gained another follower. He leaves with them, but I'm not mad. I can always get him back. "You're always there, in my love..."

He loves MD like I love DC, and I hope he never goes Hol-ly-wood! That would be a waste of a young one. He's Unusual...an old soul... a Rapper Eater...Like Dat. He started on JV; now he's The Letterman. He's Hip Hop over rap beats. He's Phil Ade...google him...download him...support him!