"Grateful for..." Thursday, June 9, 2011

Only one thing today...DETERMINATION to move forward. I have had the urge to cry all day while thinking about how I have allowed someone to have his way with me for so long...he cares nothing for the person I am...and I cared way too much for him...and, as a result, he's just fine...and though I'm not fine, I didn't and won't cry today...

Baby steps...

"Grateful for..." Wednesday, June 8, 2011

1. Janae Jones, who stopped me from jumping over "the cliff"...
2. A great bowling night last night
3. My mother's face
4. Thoughts
5. Laura Scott, who smiles through it all

Toast to The Grown Ass Man

Yesterday was your 30th birthday. I remembered, as usual, which made me mad at me. Why can't I just forget about you? You, who were never honest. Who never cared about who I was. Who snuck inside my heart, stretched your limbs and split the still-fresh stitches. You knew what you were doing...and had no problems moving on...

Well...honestly, I really don't hope you had a happy birthday, even though I know you did. With your wife and new family bending over backward to make everything great for you. It's things like this, and people like you, that make me wonder if God was really paying attention when the gifts were assigned, and you ended up with the convenient little package with beautiful bows and lace. It's also because of you that I understand why Karma, as a priniple, is so messed up (for lack of better words).

Karma was supposed to be the ultimate deterent for wrongdoing. A gas chamber for the soul. Just the thought of something done to another returning at a later time was supposed to make every interaction fair, honest, and good because everyone is supposed to want that in return. But nothing ever works they way it was designed. All it took was for one person to have no fear of punishment before the entire principle developed one big gaping hole...of ...well...unfairness.

The flaw in the design of Karma or Reaping and Sowing or The Golden Rule or whatever people like to call the exact same principle is there is no provision for how the action will return. Is it direct or indirect? Quick or delayed? An act comparable to what one has done or the exact same thing? Or is the return simply in believing that there should be one. And which acts yield a positive return on investment? What is being "good" to another anyway? One person's "nevermind" is another person's disrespect.

Well...whatever the answer...after the first brave soul decided that he or she didn't give a damn about the future and decided to live "in the now," Karma was unleashed in a huge, uncontrollable wave...targeted at one person but affecting every person. The first douchebag's Karma may have been direct, but not as bad as expected, so he or she could have kept right on going...and the second set affected his or her seed. And of course the children had no idea they were paying for a parent's mistake. Some could have grown angry and passed along the bitternes...and so on..and so forth.

Bottomline...bad stuff happens whether we "deserve it" or not. And perhaps that is the allure of evil or sin or wrongdoing... bad stuff was supposed to and will happen anyway, so...why bother being fair? And that's where you came into my life...the thunderstorm that rained on me, perhaps because of something my father did to some woman. Or the curse that one of my late grandfather's baby's mamas unleashed when he left her high and dry. You were the proof that the very thing you don't need is dressed up like the very thing you want. You made me a Karma-carrier.

So...now that you're a grown ass man, I hope you're prepared to watch all you have unleashed returned through your own personal Karma-carrier...consider it a gift from me...

The Paper Plea

I don't have to tell you this sign is in the women's bathroom; I've heard men don't use toilet paper...unless in dire situations (I'm sure you can figure out what I mean). In any case, this is a weird sign for ANY bathroom. What other paper would anyone put in the toilet? Okay...I'll allow the occasional paper towel. Some people, for whatever reason or another, might flush a paper towel, but other than that...? And if paper towels are the problem, why not just say, "NO PAPER TOWELS IN TOILET!"?

Signs like this are meant to combat a habit or practice identified as a problem. "NO LOITERING" signs, for example, are usually posted in places where folks linger about and make property owners uncomfortable. So...what kind of paper is a problem in this particular restroom? Post-its? Loose leaf? Graph paper? If anyone decides to post a sign like this, I think it should be much more honest, catchy, and unforgettable...like...

"TOILET PAPER OR DIE!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS, BROAD? DON'T FLUSH THAT!"

"WOULD YOU PUT THAT ON YOUR HOME TOILET? OKAY THEN..."

"IF YOU ATE PAPER, WOULDN'T IT BIND YOU UP? THEN THINK OF MY FEELINGS!"

Poor toilets. Sat upon. Used. Taking everyone's...crap. Flushed and often abandoned. When will someone stand up for you? I'm just saying... 

The Powder Room (2011)

What the hell was going through the mind of whomever decided to order this sign? Seems like a clear case of information overkill, plus political correctness, multiplied by poor connotation. The end result - a sign of sensory overload. My issues with this:

• Since when has a bathroom needed a room number? I've never heard anyone respond to the question, "Where's the ladies' room?" with, "Oh...room 278." Usually I hear something like, "Last room on the right," or "Down the hall, look to the left, and you'll see THE SIGN." And that sign usually has a stick figure with or without a dress and/or some gender-specific word to tell whether to expect urinals or not.

• "Women's Toilet"? Really? Not "restroom" or "bathroom"? I don't think I've ever heard someone ask for directions to the "toilet." The connotation sucks; it gives me the uncomfortable image of one toilet for everyone to use and no sink or mirror, which is gross.

• The wheelchair is very close to plowing down the woman in the sign. While it makes me laugh, it also makes me feel like an insensitive jerk for doing so. I'm not laughing at the wheelchair; I'm laughing that the stick figure is about to be kneecapped. Does it really have to look like that? Besides, aren't all restrooms handicap accessible? Because it's, you know, "the law," why the need for the ostentatious sign?

I bet no one even thought about this as they rushed to relieve themselves. Guess that's why the world needs me.  : - )

Lessons My Mother Taught Me - Mother's Day 2011



Mommy then...before motherhood.



1. I don't need make-up to be beautiful.
2. Pretty girls don't have to tell everyone they're pretty; it's evident in everything they do.
3. It's not what you say; it's how you say it.
4. It's okay to say, "I deserve better."
5. I wasn't an accident, even if I was totally unexpected.
6. Life really does go on.
7. "Generational curses" don't have to be.
8. You cannot save everyone.
9. The best mothers don't want to be your friends until you're old enough to understand what that means.
10. God can take us places we never expected.

The first 30 years have been great, Mom. Can't wait to see what the next 30 will bring to us. Happy Mother's Day!



Mommy now...with her big baby.



Worth Your Time (A Toast to My Favorite DMV Artist)

It's funny how I've come to need him EVERYDAY. And I'm not embarassed about it at all.

Phil Ade - Don't sleep on his skills...
(picture from adventoutpost.com)

He rides shotgun with me to work every morning and controls my road rage. Now I shake my head when those VA tags cut me off. "Life is too short, we ain't got time to waste..." he says. His perfect timing amazes me. By the time I reach King Street, I feel ready for anything. I take the key out the ignition and say, "Yes, Phil..." because we're in agreement.

I love him so much I share him. When someone is in the car with us, I never tell the unsuspecting passenger that he/she is about to love him too. Instead, I wait until the conversation is heading for a dry area, and I introduce him into the background. I let him speak for himself. He's thorough enough to do that. By the time that ride is over, I've gained another follower. He leaves with them, but I'm not mad. I can always get him back. "You're always there, in my love..."

He loves MD like I love DC, and I hope he never goes Hol-ly-wood! That would be a waste of a young one. He's Unusual...an old soul... a Rapper Eater...Like Dat. He started on JV; now he's The Letterman. He's Hip Hop over rap beats. He's Phil Ade...google him...download him...support him!