Dear Cold & Cruel King of Your Castle:
I was logical when I met you. I let you mess all that up for me because I fell for the same "it-could-happen-to-you" bs as other women who believe in smooth-talking men with panty-dropping ambitions. I loved you, but you were never worth that much of my attention. If only I could have seen it back then, when my heart was only semi-hardened, and I still believed in soul mates. Perhaps I wouldn't be spilling this letter on virtual pages for no one to read or take seriously. Maybe I would have been married by now instead of in disbelief of the entire institution and the possibility that I will ever find someone to love me deeply...without reservation. You sold me a dream, I brought it with hope, and now there's a no-refund policy on all the worthless emotion I've invested in your selfish, self-centered ways. I guess we both played our parts...well.
Your mother was a part of my insistence despite your obvious resistance as well. I got the sense that she really liked me. I respected her and would have loved the opportunity to have more conversations with her, but you and I broke up, so I was never allowed direct access again. And one night, shortly after I finally got the nerve to tell you to go to hell (after a year of you not letting me go, even though you were in love with and very close to marrying someone else), I had a dream about her. I never told you that. In the dream, she called and invited me to a party so you and I could talk. And when I got there, I found you with your new woman - she on your lap and you with your hand between her legs. I hated all three of you at that moment, but I went looking for her. I never found her before I woke up.
About a week later...the phone rang and it was you...telling your your mother had died and asking me to come to the funeral...where I came face-to-face with your new woman and your mother...in a very real, very different way. I believed (up until about a week ago) that the dream was her way of telling me something. Stupidly I thought she was trying to open up communication between the two of us...maybe even get us back together. It has taken me five years to realize that she wasn't telling me anything. IT WAS JUST A DREAM...but me in my "everything-happens-for-the-reason-I-want" frame of mind kept on believing.
Through clear eyes I see she took the best of you with her, and the only thing I was meant to see was that. You don't even remember me; I'm working on returning the favor.
Because you will never read this (as you are too busy tweeting and drinking), I realize I have wasted my time, but better I do it to myself than to let you continue to do so. I hold no well wishes for you; I do not forgive you, but I will try a little everyday to forgive myself for ever believing in your humanity and attempting to love you once you showed me you didn't desire it. No soul mates here; no soul mates ever.
Regards...but not high ones,
The Ice Cold Experience
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