The Paper Plea

I don't have to tell you this sign is in the women's bathroom; I've heard men don't use toilet paper...unless in dire situations (I'm sure you can figure out what I mean). In any case, this is a weird sign for ANY bathroom. What other paper would anyone put in the toilet? Okay...I'll allow the occasional paper towel. Some people, for whatever reason or another, might flush a paper towel, but other than that...? And if paper towels are the problem, why not just say, "NO PAPER TOWELS IN TOILET!"?

Signs like this are meant to combat a habit or practice identified as a problem. "NO LOITERING" signs, for example, are usually posted in places where folks linger about and make property owners uncomfortable. So...what kind of paper is a problem in this particular restroom? Post-its? Loose leaf? Graph paper? If anyone decides to post a sign like this, I think it should be much more honest, catchy, and unforgettable...like...

"TOILET PAPER OR DIE!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS, BROAD? DON'T FLUSH THAT!"

"WOULD YOU PUT THAT ON YOUR HOME TOILET? OKAY THEN..."

"IF YOU ATE PAPER, WOULDN'T IT BIND YOU UP? THEN THINK OF MY FEELINGS!"

Poor toilets. Sat upon. Used. Taking everyone's...crap. Flushed and often abandoned. When will someone stand up for you? I'm just saying... 

The Powder Room (2011)

What the hell was going through the mind of whomever decided to order this sign? Seems like a clear case of information overkill, plus political correctness, multiplied by poor connotation. The end result - a sign of sensory overload. My issues with this:

• Since when has a bathroom needed a room number? I've never heard anyone respond to the question, "Where's the ladies' room?" with, "Oh...room 278." Usually I hear something like, "Last room on the right," or "Down the hall, look to the left, and you'll see THE SIGN." And that sign usually has a stick figure with or without a dress and/or some gender-specific word to tell whether to expect urinals or not.

• "Women's Toilet"? Really? Not "restroom" or "bathroom"? I don't think I've ever heard someone ask for directions to the "toilet." The connotation sucks; it gives me the uncomfortable image of one toilet for everyone to use and no sink or mirror, which is gross.

• The wheelchair is very close to plowing down the woman in the sign. While it makes me laugh, it also makes me feel like an insensitive jerk for doing so. I'm not laughing at the wheelchair; I'm laughing that the stick figure is about to be kneecapped. Does it really have to look like that? Besides, aren't all restrooms handicap accessible? Because it's, you know, "the law," why the need for the ostentatious sign?

I bet no one even thought about this as they rushed to relieve themselves. Guess that's why the world needs me.  : - )

Lessons My Mother Taught Me - Mother's Day 2011



Mommy then...before motherhood.



1. I don't need make-up to be beautiful.
2. Pretty girls don't have to tell everyone they're pretty; it's evident in everything they do.
3. It's not what you say; it's how you say it.
4. It's okay to say, "I deserve better."
5. I wasn't an accident, even if I was totally unexpected.
6. Life really does go on.
7. "Generational curses" don't have to be.
8. You cannot save everyone.
9. The best mothers don't want to be your friends until you're old enough to understand what that means.
10. God can take us places we never expected.

The first 30 years have been great, Mom. Can't wait to see what the next 30 will bring to us. Happy Mother's Day!



Mommy now...with her big baby.



Worth Your Time (A Toast to My Favorite DMV Artist)

It's funny how I've come to need him EVERYDAY. And I'm not embarassed about it at all.

Phil Ade - Don't sleep on his skills...
(picture from adventoutpost.com)

He rides shotgun with me to work every morning and controls my road rage. Now I shake my head when those VA tags cut me off. "Life is too short, we ain't got time to waste..." he says. His perfect timing amazes me. By the time I reach King Street, I feel ready for anything. I take the key out the ignition and say, "Yes, Phil..." because we're in agreement.

I love him so much I share him. When someone is in the car with us, I never tell the unsuspecting passenger that he/she is about to love him too. Instead, I wait until the conversation is heading for a dry area, and I introduce him into the background. I let him speak for himself. He's thorough enough to do that. By the time that ride is over, I've gained another follower. He leaves with them, but I'm not mad. I can always get him back. "You're always there, in my love..."

He loves MD like I love DC, and I hope he never goes Hol-ly-wood! That would be a waste of a young one. He's Unusual...an old soul... a Rapper Eater...Like Dat. He started on JV; now he's The Letterman. He's Hip Hop over rap beats. He's Phil Ade...google him...download him...support him!

LOLs and Farewells

His number popped up beside the message, "How u been?" She had deleted his contact information months ago, like that would make him disappear.

"Good? U?" Short. Nonchalant. Like her heart didn't skip a beat when his number popped up.

"Same. I kno u wanted 2 throw the phone when u saw it was me. LOL!"

Neither of them were laughing; both of them knew it.

"Not really. LOL. We're cool. : - )" She didn't mean that; she was hurt, pissed, and a bit frustrated...still... He knew she was lying.

"Oh! I was just checkin on u. I kno we ain't end well. I kno u want 2 kill me. LOL!." That was an understatement. They both knew it.

"I'm good. LOL!" Except for this broken heart and terrible attitude I developed after you kicked me in the gut. (She said that part aloud). No one was around to hear.

"Well...keep in touch wit me. I always want to make sure ur ok." He was great at two roles: hero and martyr...never the villain.

"Will do! Don't go breakin' any more hearts. LOL!" Nothing was funny about that.

"LOL!" He wasn't really laughing.

The last response was his; she knew that was, indeed, the last one. That's how it goes. You think it's going to end hard and memorable. Tears and yelling. Regrets asserted and hopes unspoken. And it never does. It ends softly. Happy and concerned. Smiley faces and lols. Emoticon farewells.

It Was Never About Me

The man "in" my dreams because he couldnt be "of" them. I didn't meet him first.

I know he dreams about me too. Not always, of course, but sometimes. Perhaps as he naps on the sofa after playing with their baby. Or while zoning out in front of the television with her just as a Trojan commercial airs and she, with a look that used to really do it for him, asks, "Remember when we used to need those?"

I am the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach...not guilt.

I drift off to sleep every night hoping I'll find him on the other side of consciousness where we aren't wrong, and he'll kiss the back of my neck and talk about nothing, just like he did that early Spring day that never should have happened.

When will I wake up?

Is This A New Mistake or An Old One?

I can't give you all the details, though I wish I could. What I will give you is the crux of the conversation between a great friend and me and a portion of a blog she wrote. I'll let you ponder everything because I will say more in the blogs to follow. (I have corrected capiatlization and punctuation because it drives me crazy not to. Everything in brackets has been altered to protect the selfish and their enablers or clarify a sentence.)       :-)

HER: "He said I was totally right. He said he is aggravated, annoyed, and embarrassed to have asked me. He said he is never asking for anything that isn't an emergency. He admitted [that she] has issues and that it isnt fair for everyone to be rallying what she wants. Hecommented that "some people" don't have the same ideas about how money is handled, and He called her "spend reckless," a term he coined especially for her.

"He commented that she wants to redo her wedding experience. I told him that was impossible, and she need not be trying to erase and re-color in her past with prettier colors. Itold him it's not about keeping a running tally of what your partner owes you. She needs to be able to move forward and build from the experience and focus on new memories and the future and not trying to redo some shi* that cant be re-done. He commented that this renewal of vows thing is "BS" because,"it's not about "us"; she has made it all about her by ignoring his concerns and his offers for compromise. Then she had the nerve to ask him why he wasnt more involved in the planning..."

AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH...my friend continues...

"...but he said he married with the logic that 'together' means you are  [meaning "he is"] responsible for the mistakes and decisions of both parties...I know you don't like that." [The last part of the quotation is addressed to me of course.]

ME: It’s not that I don’t like that…it’s that he is the only one with that logic, therefore she makes the mistakes and decisions and he is responsible. NO BUENO! That “BS” version of “together” further solidifies [the reason] they shouldn’t be “together” because they aren’t…PERIOD. They don’t support the family together, they don’t support the [each other's] dreams together, and they don’t come together on the money. SOUNDS LIKE HE SETTLED AND KEEPS JUSTIFYING IT BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW IT. And now…I really don’t feel sorry for him…because his definition of “together” shows just how much he is falling apart but determined to be the glue that keeps that warped family photo together…as is the custom of the day…

Oh…and by the way…marrying with any kind of “logic” other than that of "I’m in love with this person, and we are on the same wave length, so I believe in our longevity" is nothing more than settling…on a cerebral (versus emotional) level…

...Then...My Good Friend's Blogpost (which I have not edited out of respect...)

"What’s better uncertainty or certain doom? I ask because as people both male and female approach 30, their early thirties and their mid-thirties it seems in some way many of us start to do things so that we will have some certainty about our future. We don’t want it to be “too late” for whatever we think we are running out of time to do. So people tend to lock down mates, careers, homes, exercise routines, nutrition plans and everything at a rapidly increasing rate due to the proverbial pressure. And most times these are well thought out decisions. Then there are the other times.

It made me wonder if some people would just rather be certain than uncertain. Regardless of what or who we signed up for whether it be an expensive gym membership that we won’t really use or spouses and potential kids that we don’t really want. Even if that certainty is that you will probably certainly be displeased. And the joke is that there is no real such thing as certainty..."

Things to Ponder...

• Are people leaning on the addage that there is no such thing as certainty to justify the mistakes that they KNOW they are making? I mean, I have a friend that told me that a voice asked her, "What are you doing?" as she walked down the aisle. Coincidence?
• What happens to people who don't believe that love is selfish and self-serving?

This picture is a new mistake...

• Do you have to be a straight-up bitch to have a husband?
• Men, if you are certain you love her and certain that she will not change, are you certain that you always will love her and that you won't change?